Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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