why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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