Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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