WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize