I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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