we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
