I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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