I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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