I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
