I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
