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just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
