i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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