So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize