I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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