go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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