Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
