why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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