first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
