I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize