I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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