my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
