you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
