blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
