Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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