Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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