i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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