I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
