Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
