FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
