She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize