Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We had to coat check the pizza.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
