Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
