She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
