Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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