If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
