i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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