I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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