And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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