You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
