i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
