I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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