You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
