I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize