Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
