Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
