I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize