Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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