if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
