I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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