too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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