Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
