I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
