She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
