Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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