Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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