Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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