Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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