Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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