she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
