I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
