the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
