Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
