if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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