I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize