Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
